Feelings Of Comfort And Stress Reduction

Feelings of comfort come from one or more of our five senses. Whether it is a song we hear, the taste of a favorite food, the feeling of our favorite clothes, the sight of a loved one, or the smell of garden after a spring rain, comfort stirs our hearts and emotions into a sense of safety and security. We run to special moments in our lives when we encounter any of our 5 senses of comfort memories. This is our hearts safety net for difficult times.

Comfort is defined by the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary (http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary, 2005) a feeling of relief or encouragement, contented well-being, or a satisfying or enjoyable experience. So how can we begin to experience feelings of comfort in our hectic and stressful day.

As a personal and business coach, I teach my clients to begin to recreate their experiences on paper to have an opportunity to relive them during hectic moments. Some would call this journaling but I like to keep it simple with a few sentences known as memory joggers. Start by listing all five of the senses and begin writing quick notes as you experience comfort in each sense. As an example, the smell of someone smoking a pipe reminds me of my father who passed away. The sound of a clothes dryer running at night (no this is not odd) reminds me of safety and security in my childhood home. The feeling of clean sheets on a bed just gives me an overall comfort of well being. See it’s simple. Now you try it.

How can we use the comfort list when our life get hectic? We can pull out the list and remind ourselves that what we are going through will pass. In our past were moments of quite, safety, security and good times. As we go through difficult periods, these memory joggers become our safety net to see us through. Stress is a part of the daily life of every living creature. Fortunately, we as humans have ways to manage this stress level as we can control our response, actions and behaviors. Here are three ways to help reduce your stress and help you manage around your critical life moments.

Keep in check your expectation level. You may be surprised at what you think is important to other people. Make sure you are not masking your own level of expectation onto another person or situation.
Christmas is a time where we want to give our families a “Martha Stewart” kind of experience with all the trimmings, gourmet food choices and decorations beyond our wildest dreams. This can come with a price as our stress level is heightened to prepare everything to perfection. If you sat down with your family, is this what really matters to them or would they be satisfied with little more than a perfect Christmas but being able to enjoy the entire holiday season with you.

Identify what drains and replenishes you emotionally and find the middle ground between the two.
When our emotional reserves are depleted our perspective is weakened and our energy is zapped. When our emotional bank is depleted, we need to begin to make more deposits to gain our perspective back to a healthy level. We need to understand exactly what people or events withdraw energy from us and which deposit or recharge our emotions. Once we have identified this list, we can break it down into what we can and cannot control. The things we cannot control, we need to find ways to help us manage through these issues. Finding the middle ground between these issues will help us not to go into an extreme imbalance on one end or the other but stay consistent.

Balance the different types of people in our life.
There are three types of people in our lives. Those that refresh us and those that drain us and those that are neutral. We need to balance these relationships so we do not have extremes in any one place. The trick is not to have more drainers than replenishers in our life. The other trick is to be careful how we choose to spend time with these different type so people. We need to spend a large portion of our time with those who refresh, listen and invest time in our relationship. Don’t dump your friends. Learn to identify where each of them fit in and begin to manage around them.

When stressful people, situations or life challenges happen, pull our your comfort list. Be taken back to a time where is was safe and begin to dig out of your situation from this secure place. In the end, this helps to clear our mind of the negative and helps you see clearly a new direction, or twist on an old problem.


Sandra Larkin
http://www.lostandfoundlifecoach.com/

How's Your Competition Barometer?

Competition can be stressful or a blessing depending on how high your “competition barometer” is elevated.

Competition is defined as “the act or process of competing :rivalry: as the effort of two or more parties acting independently to secure the business of a third party by offering the most favorable terms (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, www.m-w.com/dictionary/competition, November 2005)

I do not believe in competition. What? That’s crazy. Is it? I stand on my own professional business experience, how I treat my clients and associates, my own intelligence and creativity, my recommendations as well as my integrity and character in the business world. My “competition” does not have the same experiences or business setup as I do nor do I have what they offer. Sure, we offer the same product or service but what are you really buying as a consumer when two people have the same identical product to offer? The product, the service, the professional experience or the person who can deliver all of the above. The one you feel most comfortable and safe with your money, associates and clients. It's the total package.

In my opinion, competition will show your barometer and your “fear factor”. A low competition barometer will show fear that my self, as the salesman or business owner, does not have what it takes to be successful in a sea of similar products or services. Fear that I cannot sell my services because they will see I lack self-confidence or I am a fraud. Fear that I cannot be as good as or better than the guy who is in the trade booth next to me... On the flipside, if I have a high competition barometer I welcome my competitors. I want to be involved with their business in a 50,000 foot way. I want to possibly team up with their strengths and mine so we both can benefit. Multiple strengths create more than profit not loss for each party.

Raise your self-confidence, reduce your fear. Learn to love and learn from your competitors. Then recheck your “competition barometer” and see how much business has been attracted to you when your on the high side.

Oh, one more thing…competitors…don’t steal my ideas. That’s another story…and not a competition issue.

Sandra
www.lostandfoundlifecoach.com

Lies and Coverups

I came across a surprising revelation that took years to develop and manage until its death a few months ago. Its called a "true friendship". Surprising and hurtful yet revealing to what degrees people will go to coverup who they really are. Surprising again that my friend would cutoff 100% contact with me after I discovered that alot of his/her life was a fraud.

As a professional life and business coach, I assist people everyday to go from the extreme of coverup to true life revelation being able to live with themselves in a positive and safe environment. But when I was "snowed" over a period of years, wow, what a surprise. Should I have seen this coming? Sad not for me but for my "true friend" to loose a wonderful, open and caring relationship ...and a professional coach to help them to boot.

Lies and coverups take many directions. This is an exhausting way to live as you need to keep an account of who you told what to and why. Also, if there are fictitious people involved, to get their names and life experiences straight. I can't imagine living inside of this box. Bouncing around from one story to the next. The brain is in constant motion and thinking and clarity are skewed. There is no peace inside of yourself, your job or your relationships.

The friendship ended abruptly by my friend after I discovered the truth. I became a mirror to him/her of their real life truth and the extent of the spider web that they had weaved themselves into. Sad, since I had no intention of leaving the friendship but it was out of my control. Instead of my not wanting to have anything to do with them it was the other way around.

Lies and coverups take mental and physical energy from us and everyone else who is involved. They create a life of illusion and importance in which you are its king or queen. You will bow down to this life and be its slave the longer it continues. And with no easy way out, you become its castle to live in.

My advice to you as a life coach is, to identify your lies and coverups and begin to live a real and authentic life. You will be surprised at how people will forgive you and still want to maintain a relationship for the real you and your real life. You will find that you don't have to measure up to anyone but your own standards. If you haven't reached your "standard success", a coach, like myself, is able to help you reach whatever success you desire in life. Whether it be relationships, community, career or personal goals.

Don't live a life of lies and coverups to please other peoples standards or a part of our society that says we need to be this way or that. Be yourself with your own unique talents and abilities or get help in moving towards getting them.

http://lostandfoundlifecoach.com